How You Take My Breath Away, a Breathplay Article
Hey everyone, I’m back again to talk about sexual health and well-being. For today’s topic we’ll be touching on one of my favourite fetishes, breathplay. There’s just this raw thrill of being asphyxiated that… umf. Plus, you know, you get to make that really cheesy pun that makes your dom groan.
“You take my breath away.”
Which warms a separate, brattier, part of my submissive heart.
Anyways, my plan is to divide this article into three sections. The first will be a pretty clinical examination of how to safely conduct breathplay and what are some dos and don’ts. Second, I will be discussing why I personally enjoy breathplay. Lastly, I’ll be briefly delving into how to handle a sexual fantasy when your brain wants to partake in something dangerous.
So, with that road map laid out, I think that’s enough of an introduction. So, let’s gather around the campfire and talk about sex.
Safe Chokies
How do you safely choke someone? That kind of sounds like a bit of an oxymoron doesn’t it? How do you safely take away someone’s oxygen supply for a brief, or possibly extended, period of time?
The answer is you don’t. Breathplay is inherently dangerous. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it just means that it becomes the job of a good dominant and submissive to mitigate the risks associated with breathplay to help minimize the dangers of partaking in it. This is done through the proper use of communication, having a good understanding of your partner’s cues and ticks, and having a firm grasp on the various dangers that come with the fetish.
Now I am talking from a relatively amateur point of view on this subject matter, just to be utterly transparent. I’ve only ever partaken in breathplay via three means. One is via choking, which is perhaps the most common, and what I’ll be mostly talking about. The other is having my air supply cut off with a kiss. And the last was breathplay via submerging which… yeah, I was young and stupid. Not saying, you can’t do that, I’m just saying that I personally was not of the skill-level or comfort-level to really be in that position safely.
This article is also written from the perspective that you, the reader, are more of a novice, just looking to dip your toe into this stuff, or maybe you’re an author who wants to add a bit more realism to your story. If you’re not one of these people, you’re free to stay, just know that you probably won’t get as much out of this.
First things first, learn to respect what you are doing. Breathplay stray into the realm of edgeplay, a situation where failure in communication can seriously harm your partner. You need to appreciate the danger and consequences of what you’re doing. Not to be like a stern older sister scolding you, but if you fuck up, people will get hurt. On top of that, if you really fuck up you could uh… potentially kill your partner. Not even going to really sugar coat that.
So, try and keep this in mind when you’re engaging in this type of stuff. If done right it can be an utterly euphoric experience, but to reach this point, you should really learn to respect the inherent danger that comes with it and judge if that is a situation you are willing to risk.
Now, what are some ways to mitigate this risk.
First, is your method of choking.
The goal when safely choking someone is to never stop the flow of oxygen. But wait! Isn’t the whole point of breathplay to deny the submissive oxygen in order to get a sexual thrill? No, the point of breathplay is to stop oxygen from reaching the submissive’s brain, so they can more safely experience that thrill. As such, when choking, never compress the airway, it’s fragile and needs to be treated tenderly.
Instead, do you see those bright blue veins. Feel around for them, right under the jaw. You’ll know when you found them because you’ll feel your pulse. What you want to do is lightly begin to apply pressure to them. Just a little. These are the arteries that brings oxygen to your brain. By compressing them, you still allow the submissive to breath, giving the rest of the body oxygen, while denying the brain its supply. This will begin to create the euphoric effect I’ve been talking about. This is what you want.
If the submissive isn’t feeling it, then the dominant can begin to slowly increase pressure. This can be communicated via the submissive giving a thumbs up, or taping them on the arm, or in my case, not so subtly trying to squeeze the dominant’s hand even tighter while smiling brattily. That usually gets the message across pretty easily.
When you finally find that nice zone, you then enter the next phase of choking, paying close attention to the submissive. Their brain no longer has a steady supply of oxygen and you’ll notice that they’ll start to show signs of that. This is where familiarity with your submissive is important and why you should ease into this. Start slowly as a couple, only choking for short durations so that the submissive’s cues can be learned.
Using me as an example, when I get choked, I get a really dopey expression and my eyes start to glaze over when I get right into that sweet spot. If my eyes get a little too foggy, my partner knows to let up and give me a breather. However, every sub, and their potential problems, are different.
For me, my main concern is that I apparently start to disassociate when I get choked. That could be a sign of the glassy eyes and dopey expression. For others, you might want to look out for how their complexion changes. If they start to go pinkish, then red, then purplish, you need to pay attention and let up when they reach a certain point. Every sub is different and it’s only through getting to know each other, and your cues, that you can safely choke one another.
Still even while using this approach, there are still risks. You risk bruising, or even damaging, those arteries, you risk asphyxiating the brain, and you can even run into the risk of activating a seizure when you allow blood to rapidly return to the brain. I don’t say these things to scare you… well I guess I kind of do, but the point is, this is risky and you need to be prepared for those risks. After all, part of BDSM is being risk aware and consenting to risks you are well educated on.
As a dominant this could be even more difficult because subs can sometimes be little bitches who aren’t super explicit when they need a breather because subs… can be like that when they get really deep into subspace. Not that I’ve been known to do that or anything…
Whistles
Now as amateurs, here are a few dos and don’ts, I know of.
1) Make sure to take plenty of breathers. Allow the submissive a good amount of time to recuperate before delving back into breathplay.
2) While new, don’t bind the hands or arms. The submissive’s hands will become your most reliable form of communication while getting choked, allowing them to give safety signals or signs that the dominant needs to let up.
3) Don’t get distracted or look away while choking. The face is where all the signs of asphyxiation will be present and the dominant’s focus should always be upon it to pick up on their submissive’s cues.
4) Start slow, with only brief bouts of choking. Initially keep it to around a few seconds and warm up to longer times.
5) Dirty talk. Like seriously, some good dirty talk can make choking all the better.
6) Be safe, be consensual, and have fun. That’s the whole point of BDSM after all.
With the nitty gritty covered, I’ll now be discussing why I love breathplay and my experience with it. Plus, an interview with a friend of mine who is also into it.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Chokies.
For this section, I created a small little interview sheet which I gave to myself. The questions are as follows:
How long have you been doing breathplay?
Do you partake in breathplay from a submissive or dominant role, or both?
As a dom, what are some signs you look for in a partner for when to let up?
As a dom, what do you gain from choking someone (or otherwise denying the sub air)?
As a sub, what are some means of communicating that your partner needs to let up?
As a sub, what do you gain from getting choked (or otherwise being denied air)?
What means of breathplay have you done? Which do you most commonly practice? And what is your favourite? Is there a type you regret partaking in?
What are some safety tips you could offer?
What would you recommend to a newbie?
Any final notes?
If any of you at home have done breathplay and would like to join in feel free to drop your own tidbits of expertise in the comments section. I am always thrilled to have as much information as possible in this regard. Like I mentioned, I am a mere amateur trying my best and I could always use the help.
Anyways!
1. How long have you been doing breathplay?
I’ve being doing breathplay related stuff since I was in my late teens/early 20s. So, that means probably a good… 5–6 years now?
2. Do you partake in breathplay from a submissive or dominant role, or both?
I’ll give you a lucky guess :P. But for real, I have only ever subbed.
3. As a sub, what are some means of communicating that your partner needs to let up?
Now I’m actually rather bad in this regard since I kind of really like to be pushed way past the point of where I should tap out. However, I communicate via taping or poking my partners, or struggling against them. Usually, I’ll specify that if I start struggling for more than just show, then that’s the sign that a partner needs to let up. This is why I believe it’s really important to keep your hands free during a scene, since this is literally the only reliable form of communication you’ll have.
4. As a sub, what do you gain from getting choked (or otherwise being denied air)?
Fuck, I get a lot of things from being choked. Primarily, I love it for the display of power. Just that thrill of having a dom rob me of my most vital of bodily processes. It makes me feel helpless, weak, and at their complete and utter mercy. Choking just has this great ability to really change a dynamic or alter a scene, really ramping up the power disparity to eleven merely by lightly gripping my throat.
Besides that, I absolutely adore the sensation of breathlessness, when my mind starts to get a little fuzzy and I kind of drift off to this realm of breathless nirvana.
Then there is also this like warm and fuzzy feeling that I get after the fact, just knowing that I trusted a partner fully with something like that and it went well. It really helps solidify the bond between us in my mind.
5. What means of breathplay have you done? Which do you most commonly practice? And what is your favourite? Is there a type you regret partaking in?
I have done three types of breathplay, the first was choking, the second was kissing, and the third was… I don’t even really know if there is a name for it? it’s pretty much submerging my face in water and holding me under for a dozen seconds or so.
Most commonly I do choking and it is by far my favourite means. It just feels really personal and I love being able to look my dom in the eye and just read their emotions. Just watching as they try and stay cold and detached. But they can’t fool you, you can see all the care they have for you in their eyes as they study you and make sure that you’re fine. I find it pretty romantic TBH. Just a side note, choking someone in front of a mirror is also really hot because they can get all flustered, watching how themselves devolve into a total mess.
Kissing is a very similar beast though it’s a bit harder to read your partner’s expressions. All you do is French kiss and have them pinch your nose shut. It can be a lot of fun though, just making out as asphyxiation slowly creeps into you, especially if they’re also pinning you to the bed or couch.
While submerging was hot, I do regret it. It was a dangerous thing that I was not of a proper skill level to really be partaking in. I was young and stupid and I could’ve really been hurt if my dom wasn’t careful and I wasn’t lucky. Start with the basic stuff, kids.
6. What are some safety tips you could offer?
Make sure that you take plenty of rests between breathless periods, giving yourself, or your sub, time to recuperate a little. Also, be careful with the throat, don’t crush that windpipe, it is very very important. Make sure to prearrange safe words and methods of communication. And as always, end it with a nice round of aftercare. Breathplay is intense and you need plenty of aftercare to help pull yourself, or your sub, out of subspace.
7. What would you recommend to a newbie?
Take things nice and slow and build gradually to longer breathless periods or alternative means of breathlessness. Make sure to use lots of communication early on, and learn each other’s ticks during the moment of breathlessness and try and correct problematic ones. For example, does a dom’s gaze fall away from you when he’s choking you? Make sure he knows that so he can work towards fixing it. And with that, when starting always be face to face, make sure you can see each other. Not only does it make it more intense and romantic but your face also has so much useful information to read and work with.
8. Any final notes?
Breathplay can be a very rewarding experience and I don’t want to turn anyone away from it. Just be safe when you do it and you’ll have an absolute blast.
Help my Fantasy is Dangerous as Fuck
Within BDSM discourse there is a term known as edgeplay. Edgeplay is pretty much an umbrella term for all manner of sexual play which pushes the boundaries of what are safe, sane, and consensual. These are activities which can harm the participants and need to be approached with a proper amount of skill, respect, and preparation.
Breathplay can be classified as a form of edgeplay, it is an activity which if done incorrectly can cause harm to the submissive. However, it also includes things like fire play, knife play, rape play, and more intense forms of sadomasochism, just to name the few I am stealing from Wikipedia.
I, for one, am a submissive who has quite a few fetishes which stray into this territory. I have kinks and interests which if I were to pursue them could lead to me being harmed. And as a submissive I kind of need to acknowledge that some of the things I want to do are things that are best approached with a vibrator, a glass of wine, a scented candle, and a few hours of privacy by myself.
Now I know that this answer won’t work for everyone. I know there are probably people out there whose fantasies and imagination will never be enough and they will continue to crave the real thing. I totally get that, I used to be like that and still kind of am, with some of my tamer — though still edge — kinks.
However, I am going to be an old woman now and preach a cautionary tale. When I was in my late teens, I was just getting my foot in the door that was BDSM. I had a dom who pretty much showed me the ropes (hardy har har) and tutored me in these early years. He was a great dom but he was also a dom who was vastly more experienced than myself. This meant that he was able to accommodate for my wildest fantasies. Sounds great right?
Well one of those fetishes was to be submerged in water, something which if you read my interview, we eventually partook in. I had my hands bound behind my back and was kneeling in his basement next to a large tub of ice water. He proceeded to dunk me repeatedly into the water just as I wanted. It all felt great at the time but in hindsight I was the biggest idiot in the world.
My hands were bound and this was my first time doing breathplay, meaning I was denied my primary non-verbal means of communication. We were using water, meaning there was a danger of me panicking and inhaling it, which isn’t great. We did have a safe word but fat lot of good that would’ve done underwater anyways. Ice water played into a sensory kink I had but could’ve also sent me into shock. I very well could’ve been seriously hurt that night and it was only through luck that I wasn’t.
I was saved by dumb luck, not preparation or skill. And that is never a sentence you should feel comfortable with when doing a scene. Luck should never need to save you.
This was due to the skill difference between my dom and myself and my dom failing to take that into account. He enabled me, and as a teen I wanted that. However, that wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to help me take baby steps, not plunge into the deep end.
Anyways, how does this apply to the topic. I believe it’s important that when you approach edgeplay that you do so from a position of substantial experience and preparation. If you want to do these potentially dangerous things, build up to them slowly.
As a submissive, it’s important to acknowledge if your dominant has the skills necessary to safely fulfill your fantasy, it’s also important to examine your own skill base and determine if you can handle this kind of situation safely. Sometimes, you need to shelve things and that’s ok. I know that you really wanted to do a scene with a certain fetish but you can come back to it later when the two of you are more experienced and prepared.
As a dom, acknowledge when to say no. A sub can’t be hurt if you abort a bad idea. As mentioned, examine your own skill base and your sub’s. Determine what skills you two are lacking, and if you feel comfortable, start developing these skills.
In summary, it’s ok to fantasize about edgeplay, a lot of us probably have kinks that fall under this banner. However, when partaking in these kinks make sure to approach them with a proper level of respect and experience. It might take a while but never rush the preparation and skill-building necessary. It could save a life and it will, for sure, improve the quality of the scene.
Closing
It was actually a blast to talk about breathplay and I’m glad I managed to get this out to y’all.
Oh, also just a random closing note. A hand around the throat is still a very potent force, even if you aren’t choking someone. Like that is a real power move right there. Just place a hand around the throat, maybe throw in a few dirty words or degrading sentences, and you’ll make a sub wet in no time.
ANYWAYS.
See y’all next time for whatever my next article will be on.
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